Hatin' On My Man Vuitton

The weirdness of it all.

I was at Angelika, this artsy film theater in Soho waiting for my semi-political movie, Persepolis, to begin. By now I'm used to seeing ads before movies, but at this particular theater they usually show granola-ish commercials instead of your typical Fandango jumpoff.

That's when I first saw the new 90 second Louis Vuitton commercial. Let me tell you that after this commercial ran, the whole audience began cracking up out of incredulity. As an avid fan of Louis, I gotta say I was dissapointed the commercial is on some ol' cultural montage 'the journey of life begins with a single step' bullshit. What is this, a Lexus commerical from '98? Really though. If I see one more commercial with some white bitch looking wide eyed through the window of the back seat of a car I'm going to scream. (No offense to whites, I actually love you guys and dyed my hair blonde to join your ranks. One love.)

But seriously? We don't need to see white people world traveling through peasant India, talking about LV bags and other madness. This reminds me of the racist advertising in the earlier part of the century. I'm sure you've seen those ads of the white people flying over Cuba, or paintings encouraging Europeans to visit colonialist Africa. Oh the shame. As a rocker of Vuitton, I'm turned off by this blatant promenading of difference of the haves and the have-nots. How dare you remind me of my privelege. Shame on you for making me feel guilty! Your job as advertisers is to make me want more more more! Now I want to hide my LV goods under the mattress (where I keep my stacks and yay).

Oh boy. Here are some screen shots I took of the commercial, available on Youtube for further research. And while you're at it peep the hip hop Phantom of the Opera Vuitton ad your boy Pharrell put together for their jewelery line. Like I've always said, the richer you get the more eccentric you become. Not a critique necessarily, just an observation.

What gets me the most is the corny script that appears throughout the commercial. It reads:

What is a Journey? A journey is not a trip. It's not a vacation. It's a process. A discovery. It's a process....of self discovery. (Shit is deep. now...cue mysterious Andalusian ambient music) A journey brings us face to face...with ourselves. (Droppin bombs on us right here) A journey shows us not only the world, but how we fit in it. Does the person create the journey, or the journey create the person? (Dammn...will we ever know though??) The journey is life itself. Where will life take you? (To the LV store, if I'm lucky.)

And Now: Gaybashing

But not from me. From the gay himself! Let me explain:

The downside of the blog is that people who shouldn't be heard are heard.

Enter Bryanboy. Check him out at www.bryanboy.com (or save yourself the pain and don't check him out at all). You can just trust my synopsis of the shit.

Bryanboy is this young gay Filipino guy who is the epitome of the gay stereotype. He runs this fashion blog that is pretty boring in content, and he's tacky as all hell. He basically is on the whole 'Marc Jacobs is amazing' hype that is a big ass mystery to me. Marc's clothes are ugs, period. But whatever, he's rich and I'm not so I'm not going to talk any more shit on Marc.

Anyway, so this kid Bryan gets a lot of attention for his wack blog (read: non-industry involved "critics" who have no expertise to offer) and Marc ends up naming a bag after him. What annoys me is people like Bryan get rewarded for being such characters. People want to believe in the superqueer because it reaffirms all their own stereotypes about gays as silly, bitchy, trifling fashionista's that wish they where Madonna or someone "fierce". Often times I feel these lames try to behave or emulate women, but just end up making a mockery of gays and femininity. Its not cute and I actually hate it quite a bit. Do you remember that guy Jay Carroll who won the first Project Runway and then got thrown away? Everybody laughed at him. He wasn't taken seriously as a designer because he behaved like such an unprofessional joke: a mere cartoon character of a person. Why does a gay man like Bryanboy have to make a joke out of himself by posing as some cheap gossipy queen? His tag line for his site says "I'm so gay I sweat glitter". Boo to you, Bryanboy. Not even I would say something as silly as that (and I'm the most feminine person who walks this earth, you dig?). You get a lot of attention as a gay and you rep em real bad.

Miss Squared Loves the Misters…

I sure do, but on this Valentines Day, there are two men in particular, that just twitterpate and put my lil heart into an all out tizzy… Costello & Tagliapietra. This beautiful, burly, Brooklyn-based design duo are among my absolute favorite dressmakers. C&T seem to understand the fine sensuality that fuses the true and arguably endangered artistry of woman’s dressing. Their careful and deliberate marriage of classic, structured form and tailoring with the suggestive art of draping and use of texture is like the perfect rendezvous that one never wants to end. The way their cuts sit on the bodice, the subtleties in lines, everything lies/curves/arches where it should… just like the perfect lover…

So, whether you have a valentine or not, whether it’s John Doe or Jimmy Choo that makes you tick today, whether Marc is your mac or Vuitton your daddy fat sacks, fashion is always passionate.
Fall in love today and marvel in the beauty, I know I have…
xoxo,
MissSquared

Valentino For Valentines

"I rock stilettos but still I keeps it ghetto
Flossin' gold chains rockin out to heavy metal
I'm ecclectic dialectic in two dialects:
One girl that's for the cause and one bitch that cause effects"
- A page from Caviar's rhyme book

I had to buy these for a photo shoot last Monday and I want to keep them! If I had a rich valentine to drop $750 on a pair of stilettos for me that would be cool. Do you know any rich/handsome/Asian men who are into chubby girls? Let me know.

I was dissapointed the model didn't fit into my dress the way I wanted. She was too short (so the dress looks too long) and her chest was ginormous, so it sits too low. Next time, I will insist on getting the model that I want.